If I Could Take Away Your Pain, I Would
by EmmaShalforever
Summary: Unintentionally Emma sees what Regina is dreaming and has to deal with the knowledge of what happened to her lover in the past. SwanQueen. Warning: description of rape.
1. Chapter 1

Pairing: SwanQueen

Rating: M for description of abuse.

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters and I make no profit.

AN: This is a story with dark elements in it and a description of rape. If that thing makes you uncomfortable, don't read the story, or at the very least jump over the part in italic.

I hope the reactions and emotions feel real and I'd like to hear what you think as I was uncertain about posting this at all.

* * *

Emma groans into her pillow as she feels herself returning to the world of consciousness.

For a brief moment, she's confused as to why she's awake, before she feels the bed twisting. With a pout she turns her head to look at her lover, ready to try and make her feel bad for waking her and squinting with one eye over at the other woman. Her lips quickly turn into a frown and her eyes open fully when she catches sight of the distressed features of Regina's face. She startles as the brunette twitches again and mumbles something incomprehensible.

"Regina?" the blonde whispers cautiously, trying to decide if she should wake the other woman or not and how it will be perceived. She feels her heart skip a beat as the woman twitches again and a half coherent 'no' can be heard.

It's clear that whatever her lover is dreaming about is not something pleasant and so Emma's arm makes her decision for her, reaching over to touch the brunette's arm of its own accord.

For a moment there's a prickling sensation rushing from where her fingers are touching the other woman's arm and up along her own, before everything becomes black.

* * *

_She's back in the darkly decorated room, looking around at the stone walls that make her feel imprisoned. _

_Her attention is drawn to the thick wooden door and the heavy footsteps that grow steadily louder. She shudders involuntarily as it slams open to reveal the king; her husband._

_She's been waiting in his room for what feels like half an eternity, two guards having knocked on her door earlier and informed her that the king requested her presence in his room and escorting her there. And so she's been waiting for him for a long time, staring at the décor and dreading what's to come; what she's powerless to prevent._

_He's not sober, she notices with trepidation. He's always gentler if he is. He's had important guests today, which means he's brought out the finer liquor. It's a treat for everyone who tastes it, but unfortunately it makes him particularly ruthless and focused only on himself and his needs._

_She rises stiffly from the bed she's been perched on as soon as he takes a step inside, curtseying him as he throws the door shut behind him absentmindedly, stumbling slightly as he is forced to take an extra step to the right to steady himself._

_She barely manages to suppress the shiver of disgust as he cups her face roughly and she feels his alcohol fueled breath._

"_My king?" she questions innocently, forcing herself to not squirm away from his touch and hoping against hope that he will not want what she absolutely doesn't wish him to want._

_Her hopes are quickly shattered as he pushes against her hard enough to make her stumble backwards and fall upon the bed. It's only instincts that make her catch herself as she scrambles fearfully further onto the big bed. It's the wrong thing to do. _

"_Get back here," the king snarls as he reaches for her leg, his hand locking around her ankle before he tugs her forcefully down towards him. Unconsciously, she fights against it for a moment before she goes still. She knows he will only hurt her more the more she defies him and his wishes._

"_I'm sorry," she apologizes fearfully, but he ignores her. She bites her lip to keep her exclamation from escaping as he reaches for the edge of her long, beautiful dress and tears it._

_For a moment, all she can focus on is the sound of expensive fabric being ripped apart before she releases an involuntary shudder as the slightly chilled air of the room envelopes her now exposed legs._

"_I'm sorry," she tells him desperately as he deftly undoes his pants and she glances away, unwilling to watch the sight of his no doubt rapidly hardening member._

"_I'm sorry," she pleads as he reaches forward and tears her underwear before he takes hold of her legs behind her knees and forces them apart._

"_Prove it," he growls before he pushes forwards at the same time as he pulls hard at her bent legs. _

_She collides against him and bites her lip hard enough to bleed to keep her scream from escaping as her whole word becomes seemingly endless, horrible pain as he fills her. _

_She's unable to contain the whimper that leaves her throat through the metallic taste of her own blood as he pounds mercilessly against her._

* * *

Regina is only half aware of blonde hair quickly disappearing into the bathroom as she tries to calm her breathing and push away the memories from her dream. She frowns when she hears the unmistakable sound of someone throwing up and quickly untangles herself from the sheets before approaching the half open door cautiously.

"Emma?" she questions softly, uncertainly as she pokes her head through the opening and finds a mane of blonde hair bent over the toilet. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

Green eyes brimming with tears lock with her own for a brief moment before the sheriff's face disappears again as she starts retching. Regina's mothering instincts kick in automatically as she moves behind the woman and gathers up her hair gently, just in case, keeping it out of her face and scrunching her nose in disgust.

With a groan, Emma's hand reaches blindly above her until she feels the flush button and pushes it. The brunette takes it as her cue that they're in the clear and releases the blonde's curls before filling a glass of water and offering it to her lover.

Emma gives the mayor a shaky smile as she takes the proffered glass and sips it, rinsing her mouth and spitting it back out a few times before holding out the glass with a trembling arm. Regina takes the glass gingerly and empties the glass before turning back to the other woman worriedly.

With enormous effort the sheriff puts both her hands on the toilet seat and pushes herself upwards, swaying slightly as her stomach churns dangerously before she finds her footing.

"Are you okay? Are you sick?" Regina asks concerned as her hands move to touch her lover. She lets out an undignified squeak as she finds herself wrapped up in Emma, the woman clinging to her as if she's convinced she'll disappear if she lets go.

"I'm sorry," the blonde says against her throat and in the mirror, the mayor can see the confusion and fear reflected back at her from her own face.

"Emma, what's going on?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," the sheriff repeats and Regina's heartbeat takes on an erratic rhythm as she feels the unmistakable wetness of tears against her shoulder.

"Emma, you're freaking me out, tell me what's going on!" the mayor demands shakily, trying unsuccessfully to pry herself away from the sobbing woman who just holds on tighter and keeps muttering nonsense apologies like a mantra.

It takes a while – and a lot of struggling – before Regina manages to force Emma to let her go and takes a step back so she can assess the woman's red, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"What the hell is going on Miss Swan?" she asks in her best authoritative voice.

"I didn't mean to-but then I-and then you-" the blonde rambles between sniffles as she tries to get herself back under control.

"You're not making any sense," the mayor nearly shouts as she grips the other woman's arms and shakes her slightly as if it will get her to explain so Regina can try to understand what's going on.

Unfortunately it works quite opposite of the intended effect as Emma throws herself at the other woman again. Regina releases a groan of clear frustration before she pats the sheriff's back awkwardly, resigned to the fate that she won't be getting anything sensible out of the woman for a while.

It takes far longer than the brunette really has the patience for before Emma calms down enough to explain what has her reacting this way and she's refusing to let her lover go even as she wipes self-consciously at her eyes.

"You were having a nightmare," the blonde explains and Regina stiffens immediately.

"I don't see what that has to do with this," the mayor states tersely, even as her suspicion and fear grows as she can pretty much guess what must have happened for the other woman to have such a strong reaction. She can feel her heart beat faster and her palms sweating as her panic grow for every word Emma tells her.

"I was going to wake you and I don't know how, but when I touched you, I could see what you were dreaming. I didn't mean to and I have no idea why it happened, but I'm sorry and-"

Regina motions with her hand for the other woman to stop talking and the sheriff promptly shuts her mouth.

"It's okay, it doesn't matter. It was just a dream," the brunette says as nonchalantly as she can manage in her panic, but the words sound hollow and unconvincing to her own ears.

She's not surprised her lover sees right through her bullshit.

"It wasn't _just_ a dream though," Emma states softly, tentatively, and the mayor sighs before nodding curtly to let the other woman know she's assuming correctly.

"I'm so sorry," the blonde says again before she wraps Regina in another tight hug, ignoring the noise of discomfort her lover releases.

"This really isn't necessary," the brunette tells the other woman as she tries to slither out of her grasp, but Emma refuses to let her get away.

"Can we at least get back to bed if you're gonna keep clinging to me?" Regina asks, trying to make light of the situation and her discomfort by appearing indifferent and sarcastic.

In truth, she's freaking out over the violent reaction the blonde had to the memory. It makes her feel ashamed of what happened and scared that now the woman won't want to be close to her anymore. She's fully aware that she's damaged goods, but she had been hoping to make sure the other woman didn't find out until a lot later; preferably never.

She should have known better,she thinks with a sigh as she crawls back in bed, Emma following her closely and wrapping herself back around the mayor as she starts making soothing motions against her arm. It would be kind of cute if Regina wasn't so terrified of what her lover must be thinking about her now.

Not much in her life has gone according to plan. Why should this be any different just because she's happy?

"I'm sorry," the brunette whispers to the room, keeping her gaze deliberately at the ceiling and not at Emma's questioning look. "I should have told you before things got serious. I shouldn't have been selfish and I apologize."

"What are you talking about?" the blonde asks confused, releasing her hold on the other woman slightly so she can try to get a better look at her, not liking the direction this conversation is taking and the fact her lover refuses to look at her.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to stay. I won't make a fuss, but we have to find something suitable to tell Henry," Regina continues in defeat, staring hard at a spot on her roof and not at all surprised when the sheriff pushes away from her.

She can't make herself look over to the other woman and find agreement, disgust and pity. It would hurt too much. Better to just get it over with as quick as possible so she can be left alone to lick her wounds and try to pick up the pieces.

The mayor is expecting Emma to leave, so she jumps slightly at the unexpected words spilling from the other woman's mouth, her voice laced with incredulity.

"You think I'll leave you just because someone abused you in your past?"

Regina looks seriously at the sheriff, willing her to listen to her and make this as painless as possible. "I'm damaged goods. No one wants to be with that."

The blonde can't stop herself. She laughs. She laughs loudly, incredulous at the way her lover thinks her confession is significant and a well-kept secret. She quickly tries to get a hold of herself at the mortified look on the mayor's face.

"Regina, I already knew that when we got together," Emma tells the other woman when she manages to reign in her laughter. "We both have our own problems and carry our own baggage, but all this tells me is that you're even stronger and braver than I thought you were."

Regina looks like she can't grasp the meaning of the words she's just heard.

"I think you've lost your mind," the brunette states with a frown, but her lover only shrugs before she curls up against her lover and lets her hand make soothing patterns against her arm again. The sheriff knows the other woman will need more reassurance.

"I didn't react that way because I was disgusted by you," Emma starts to explain softly. "I was disgusted by what was done _to_ you."

Part of her is itching to get confirmation of who he was, but since she's pretty much figured it out herself, she doesn't have the heart to ask. "Is that why you killed him?" she questions instead.

"Just one of many reasons," the brunette responds darkly before shaking her head slightly, as if ridding herself of her less than kind thoughts.

They fall into silence for long moments before the blonde speaks again.

"I'm glad you killed him. I hope he suffered."

Regina lets out a snort of agreement, before she realizes what she just did and freezes in the other woman's hold. "Don't let Snow hear you say that," she tells the sheriff with disdain, the words feeling sour in her mouth as she tries to pull away, but Emma just tightens her hold.

"I don't care. Where I'm from you make sure people never hurt you like that by whatever means necessary. I don't care who he was, he deserved it."

Guilt hits the brunette at her lover's words, knowing she's the reason the woman had to go through all that she has experienced.

"Maybe if you told Snow she would understand?" the blonde mumbles and Regina can't help herself. This time it's she who laughs. It's high pitched and, she has to admit, sounds a wee bit maniacal.

Honestly, she's quite impressed that the other woman doesn't shy away from her at the sudden outburst that in any other situation would cause most people to shrink away from her in fear.

"Snow would never be able to grasp what happened to me. And even if I did tell her, she would just do what she does best…ignore it and pretend it's not true. I never should have played along just to spare her of the knowledge that the world isn't black and white. I shouldn't have let her grow up to be so ignorant and naïve. I shouldn't have let her become a brat that only chooses what she wants to see. "

It feels weird to rant out loud about her less than impressive views about Snow White to Snow White's _daughter_, especially when adding the fact they're half naked and the woman is holding her tightly so she can't push her away.

In a way, she half wishes that her vehemence and animosity will propel Emma away from her, but the blonde holds strong, nodding her head in acceptance as they fall into silence yet again, the only sound that of their slightly labored breathing.

Eventually Regina calms down as she realizes her lover isn't going to leave anytime soon, her neck protesting the not quite comfortable position it's in and her eyelids starting to drop. With a soft sigh, she wriggles against the sheriff so she can get more comfortable as she resigns herself to being held possessively by strong arms for the rest of the night.

It doesn't really feel half bad, but she's too scared of how this will change things between them to fully enjoy it.

* * *

"Are you staying for dinner?" Snow asks softly, watching her daughter carefully as she moves about her room and throws clothes into a bag haphazardly.

"No, Henry and I are staying at Regina's for a few days," she states without pausing to look at the woman's reaction. There's no way she's leaving her lover alone right now. Regina's going to need all the support she can get if she's going to try to deal with what happened to her.

"Are you sure that's a good idea," the dark haired woman questions tentatively, barely keeping herself from pulling back in alarm as Emma rounds on her with a wild look in her eyes.

"Yes, I think it's a perfect idea. She's Henry's mom too and she's done nothing to suggest she isn't more than fit to care for him," the blonde states defensively.

"I've never said that Regina is a bad mother Emma. But you can't just overlook the fact that now that her curse is broken she's the Evil Queen again," Snow tell her daughter, trying to make her see reason.

"Stop calling her that," the sheriff spits angrily before turning to the small closet and fishing out Henry's favorite sweater and throwing it aggressively down in the half-full bag between them.

"It's who she is Emma-"

"You have no idea who she is," the blonde interrupts before her mother can start another round of listing all Regina's past misdeeds to her. She's heard it all before.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Snow asks defensively. "I've known her almost all my life."

"No you haven't. You've only known the parts of her that she's let you see."

The dark haired woman crosses her arms petulantly as she frowns at her daughter as she raises her brows in an 'explain yourself' kind of way.

"If you really knew her, you would know what she's been through to make her so desperate she'd curse an entire realm just to try to find some happiness," Emma exclaims hotly and Snow looks at the sheriff suspiciously.

"What are you talking about?"

"Did you ever once question how she became the Evil Queen or why?" the blonde asks, her fingers making air quotations on the name her mother likes to use for her lover.

"Of course I did," Snow exclaims angrily. "You think I didn't try to figure out what we could have done differently to prevent all the pain and suffering she caused?"

"And what about the pain and suffering she endured first," the sheriff shoots back immediately, feeling her anger bubbling quickly to the surface again at the less than impressed look the dark haired woman gives her.

"If you're talking about Daniel's death or Cora, that's hardly an excuse to-"

"No," Emma interrupts before her mother can say something she'll regret. "I'm not just talking about them. I'm talking about your father."

The silence that follows her exclamation is sudden and the blonde regrets her outburst immediately. Not because of the shocked and horrified expression on her mother's face, but because it feels a lot like she just violated Regina's need for privacy.

"What are you talking about?" the dark haired woman asks, her voice suddenly sounding small and uncertain.

"Oh come on! Even you can imagine what happens when a beautiful young girl marries a man 30 years older than herself," Emma blurts out, briefly wondering if she should just smack herself so she might stop talking about things she shouldn't.

"I…I'm sure my father was kind to her and-"

"Well I've got news for you _mom_," the blonde spits out, her anger overpowering her rationality of keeping her mouth shut. "He was not kind to her and he deserved what happened to him."

"How can you say that?" Snow asks with a gasp, tears quickly brimming in her eyes.

"He abused her. He forced himself on her. I would have killed him to," the sheriff says darkly.

"My father would never- She's telling you lies."

Emma laughs, the sound hollow and mirthless and uncomfortably loud in the silent room. Her mother's confidence in her father's innocence and Regina's guilt is frustrating and naïve.

"Regina has told me nothing. She wants me to pretend I don't know. She tried to convince me it wasn't real."

Snow looks surprised at her daughter's words and she frowns as she tries to digest the information.

"I…I can't deal with this right now."

"Of course you can't," the blonde replies with a sigh, obviously disappointed, but not surprised by the dark haired woman's reaction. "Like I said, we'll be at Regina's for a while."

Emma quickly zips up the bag and tosses it over her shoulder as she brushes past her stunned mother. She stops short at the door when she sees Henry standing just outside, his eyes locking with hers sadly.

"How much did you hear kid?"

His guilty look and silence tells her all she needs to know and she sighs, knowing her lover is gonna flip when she figures out that their son knows.

"Come on, we'll talk about it in the car," she tells him as she grabs his shoulder and turns him, marching them down the stairs and out of Snow's apartment.

By the time they reach the mansion Emma is pretty sure she's managed to convince her son not to mention anything to his other mother about having overheard things someone his age shouldn't hear.

* * *

"What's this?" Regina asks her son as he drops his fairy-tale book heavily on the counter where she's preparing dinner.

"I want you to destroy it," he states as seriously as an eleven year old can while he looks at the book with something not unlike disgust.

"Why? You love that book," the mayor asks even as she berates herself silently for saying it when she's wished for him to get rid of it for such a long time.

"It's full of half-truths. It doesn't tell the whole story. I don't like it," he exclaims before he throws himself at his mother and hugs her waist tightly.

Regina feels herself tear up at the gesture, soaking in his affection desperately like she's been doing ever since the curse broke. She smiles softly down at him before a thought strikes her and it turns into a frown.

"What happened?"

Henry looks up at her guiltily, but doesn't let her go as he starts to explain.

"Emma and Snow argued. They didn't know I was there and I wasn't supposed to hear, but I did and I'm sorry for what happened to you. I should have known you didn't just become the Evil Queen without reason."

The mayor wipes discreetly at her eyes as she looks down at her son with adoration. "That's very kind of you sweetie, but just because bad things happened to me it doesn't excuse what I did."

It hurts her to say these words to him since all she's ever wanted from her son is for him to love her and support her. But she can't let him justify her past deeds falsely just so he will want her more. It won't make his affection real and she has to do right by him.

"I know that, but it makes it more understandable," he tells her as he buries his face in her stomach as he tightens his hold around her.

"Thank you Henry, that means a lot to me," she says softly before she wraps her own arms tightly around him and buries her face against the top of his head, taking in his unique scent and letting it soothe her.

"You'll get rid of it right?" he questions when she reluctantly lets him go and she nods her confirmation before she watches him run out of the kitchen, his footsteps disappearing quickly up the stairs.

Slowly, Regina lifts the book up and studies its cover. It's strange to think that she's holding the thing that ruined her curse; that she's been given permission to get rid of it finally. All her pain and suffering for the last year because of a stupid book. _This_ book.

Still, she's also come to think of it as the representation of how good can come from everything. It makes her feel oddly sad and sentimental when she imagines getting rid of it when this is one of the things that has led her to be happier than she's been for a _very _long time.

No, she can't bear to destroy it. Instead, she quickly walks into her home office and locks it away safely in a drawer before going back to finish preparing dinner.

* * *

Emma finds herself hovering uncertainly by the bedside as she watches her lover get under the covers. The brunette looks confused for a moment before understanding floods her features and she looks down at her hands in shame before taking a deep breath.

"You can sleep in the guest room. I put on fresh sheets earlier," Regina says, trying to keep the sadness from her voice and eyes.

The sheriff's eyes widen as she realizes the mayor takes her hesitancy as a sign that she finds it uncomfortable to be with her now that she knows some of what happened to her in the past.

"I don't want to, but I thought maybe you were mad at me," the blonde replies quickly, watching as surprise and confusion flits across the other woman's face.

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"Henry told me about the book and what he asked. I didn't mean for him to hear anything. The last thing I wanted was to betray your wish for privacy, but I've just been a little rattled and out of it today and Snow was pushing," Emma tries to explain in one breath as she shifts nervously from one foot to the other while waiting for the other woman's reaction.

Regina briefly contemplates berating the other woman for not being more careful and letting their son hear things his innocent mind shouldn't have to deal with. But she knows, deep down, that the sheriff has been beating herself up enough for the both of them.

"I have been too," the brunette admits softly and she watches the blonde's shoulders relax as she lets out a relieved breath and takes the words as a sign that she's allowed into the bed. She quickly slides under the covers and turns on her side so she can look at the mayor.

"I just don't want things to change between us," Regina whispers brokenly, refusing to look at her lover at the admission. "But I know it will and I understand if…if you find it hard to…be with me."

The blonde's heart breaks a little at how the other woman is so sure she's undesirable now that the secret of her abuse is out.

"Oh babe," Emma sighs as she moves as close to the mayor as she can and wraps her arms around her in comfort. "I think you're strong and brave and beautiful and I don't find it hard at all. I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

The brunette releases a relieved breath as she lets her head rest against the crook of her lover's neck. "I never feel uncomfortable with you," she murmurs, smiling at the resulting squeeze she gets for her words.

"And I hope you never will," the sheriff replies as she turns her head just enough to place a soft kiss against the other woman's forehead.

Regina moves slightly so she can look up at her lover and their eyes lock, both staring at each other and contemplating the other for long moments before the mayor slowly leans upwards and brushes her lips uncertainly against the blonde's. The sheriff tries her best to pour all her love and reassurance into the kiss.

"I love you," Emma whispers when they break apart.

"I love you too," the brunette responds just as softly as she lays her head back down against her lover and lets herself get wrapped tightly in the other woman's soft, strong, safe arms.

Maybe something will finally go her way after all.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: So apparently this one wasn't supposed to end up a one-shot after all.

As I'm sure many people can relate to, I've been suffering from a little too many feels when it comes to SwanQueen and my funky mood has kept me from being able to write anything happy or light when it comes to them. As a result, this story is going to be a three parter instead of just the one I originally wrote.

Warnings for mentions of abuse, but nothing graphic in this chapter.

Apologies for any mistakes.

* * *

The body on top of hers is weighing her down. She can't move, can hardly breathe. Fingers are creeping ever closer to her private lower half and all she can think of is that this isn't right. She doesn't want this. She can't get his face out of her mind or the feeling of old, calloused fingers moving to take what they want. She knows that pain will soon follow. She wants to scream. She wants to disappear. Instead she whimpers, but unlike normally, the body on top of her tenses, fingers stilling in their descent.

She opens her eyes and finds worried green ones staring down at her, not the brown ones she used to despise and fear.

"I'm sorry," Regina states desperately, voice filled with anguish as the blonde sighs. It's been a week since Emma saw her nightmare of a past she's tried to forget, and it's the third time she's pulled away from her girlfriend when she's tried to reciprocate after her orgasm.

It's not that she doesn't want to – she _really_ wants to – but each time the sheriff comes close to her most intimate part, she freezes up, her mind flashing back to the King, and the feeling of being touched makes her nauseous.

"It's okay," Emma responds immediately, like she has the other two times, kissing the other woman softly in reassurance before moving off her and drawing the blanket up to cover them securely.

"No, it's not!" the brunette exclaims in frustration as she clutches tightly to the fabric. She doesn't know why she has such a violent reaction to sex _now_. Sure, for a long time after the King, she was unable to let anyone touch her. She could tease, she could flirt, she could entice. But no one was ever allowed into her bed for _years_.

She is supposed to have left all that behind. It's not the first time she's had nightmares from her past after she came to Storybrooke, but it has never left her as shaken as now. And if anything, this time should be the one where she should be able to let it go. Emma Swan _loves_ her. There's no threat of abuse here, she knows that. So why the hell then can't she seem to be fully intimate with the woman?

The blonde turns on her side and grasps the Mayor's hand firmly, intertwining their fingers and forcing her attention onto herself. "Regina, really, it's _okay_, I understand, I-" she stops and takes a deep breath before exhaling, hoping to rid herself of her insecurity of what she's about to tell her girlfriend. It's not something she has ever told anyone, but it's clear that the situation requires it.

"About a month before I got out of prison, a few of the women decided to give me a hard time. I guess they felt I had had it too easy since the pregnancy had made sure the guards always kept an extra eye on me."

Green orbs flicker up to see she has the full, undivided attention of her lover, before moving away to stare at their locked hands with more concentration than it really warrants, but damn, it's hard saying this aloud and there's no way she can go through with it if she has to watch Regina's reactions.

"I spent two weeks barely sleeping, always being on my guard and tiptoeing around to try to keep out of trouble. I guess it was inevitable that they managed to corner me since they'd obviously set their minds to it."

She ignores the way the brunette's breathing hitches, knowing she has to continue if she's ever to finish recounting the painful memories and not daring to look away from the fingers grasping her own more firmly.

"You don't really have many choices when a woman twice your size is choking you, you know?" Emma asks rhetorically, eyes glancing up to see drawn lips and intense dark eyes staring back at her. She swallows down the sudden lump in her throat. "The point is, it took a while before I felt safe enough to be with someone after that," she finishes with a barely visible shrug of the shoulder she's not currently laying her weight on.

"No," Regina utters tersely, forcing her hand out of their shared grip, and the blonde looks up at her confused and a little bit scared. "Tell me everything," she demands.

The sheriff frowns as she realizes why her girlfriend wants the whole gritty version, not the sugar-coated one. No way is she allowing that. "No," she replies, voice steady, and she realizes with surprise that she actually feels rather calm.

"What do you mean _no_?" the Mayor asks offended, brows furrowing, eyes flashing in warning.

"I know why you want to hear every little detail and I'm not gonna let you. That's not why I told you. I told you so you know that I understand and that when I say it's okay, it's really _okay_."

"You know nothing," Regina replies angrily and it's so very clear to both of them that it's a lie. And so the blonde just meets her eyes patiently and defiantly as silence settles in around them. The brunette grits her teeth and refuses to look away, giving her lover her best glare and waiting for her to shy away. When one minute pass, and then two though, she realizes that the woman won't back down on this. And if she wasn't feely so damn guilty about her part in Emma's less than stellar adolescence and for denying her sex, maybe she would have found it cute that the sheriff wants to protect her. But as it is now, all she feels like is an even bigger failure.

"It's not okay," she finally says with a pout. She wants to say so much more, to explain her worries and feelings, but words seem to fail her at the moment and begrudgingly she allows the sheriff to take a hold of her hand again.

"What exactly do you think is going to happen if you don't let me touch you?" the blonde asks gently and Regina looks at her to make sure this isn't some sort of mockery. For once, she finds nothing staring back at her but understanding and genuine curiosity.

She opens her mouth to respond, but the words get stuck in her throat, refusing to come out. She almost retracts her hand subconsciously when Emma moves closer, her body reacting automatically by muscles tensing, getting her ready to leave the bed at any moment should she feel the need to, but the sheriff simply places a kiss on top of her knuckles before retreating again.

"I promise not to judge or laugh. Worst case scenario baby, lay it on me."

"I don't think-" Regina starts, but a look from her girlfriend silences her and she clears her throat self-consciously as she tries to think up a single sentence that can sum up and relay her deepest fears.

"If I can't give you all you need…" she begins slowly before her voice breaks and her eyes grow glassy with the threat of tears that come unbidden at the thoughts and images that flashes before her inner eye. "You'll leave me and take Henry and possibly play happy family with his dad and maybe even suck face in front of me just to rub salt in the wound." She blurts quickly and she can't keep a sob from escaping, or tears from breaking free and start to make their way down her face, as she pictures just those things happening. "And I'll have _nothing,_" she finishes in a whisper before clasping her free hand over her mouth to try to stifle another sob.

Emma's free hand immediately moves to wipe gently at wet cheeks and she's relieved when the brunette doesn't pull away. "Baby, that's _never_ going to happen. Look at me," she demands, waiting until teary eyes find her own. "Neal sent me to prison and broke my heart. I'm _never_ getting back with him. _Ever._ And Henry is just as much your son as mine. I gave birth to him, but you raised him as your own for ten years before I came into the picture and we both owe you so much for that. You gave him what I couldn't and you made him smart and compassionate and made sure he grew up good. You're a natural when it comes to motherhood and I haven't got the faintest idea how to be one. So you see I can't ever take him from you because he _needs_ you. We both do."

Regina snivels once and uses the duvet to wipe at her eyes that won't stop leaking. "Okay, so you won't take my son from me. That still doesn't change the fact you'll eventually leave because of…the other thing."

The blonde barely refrains from rolling her eyes, knowing it will be misinterpreted completely by her girlfriend. "In case you haven't noticed, you don't seem to have any problems getting me off, even if you can't let me reciprocate. I don't see how that would possibly make me leave." She doesn't say it out loud because she knows the mayor wouldn't understand the joke, but in her mind she thinks that if she were a guy it would be like a dream come true. Not the 'your girlfriend is hurting and having a really hard time' bit, but the one where she gets all the pleasure without having to give anything in return.

Regina looks suddenly shy and unsure. "But you really like – You've said that-" she drifts off, unable to give voice to her confused thoughts.

"Hmm, what? That I love how you taste and eating you is my favorite kind of dessert?" Emma purrs, delighted at the red tinge that colors the brunette's cheeks at her crude words.

"Must you always be so vulgar?"

The sheriff ignores the question in favor of further placating her lover's worries and enjoying how uncomfortable her talking makes her. "It's true, I do seem to have a soft spot when it comes to your juices," she winks as the mayor's blush becomes more apparent. "And I'll be the first to admit that it's delicious and I don't think I'll ever get enough," she continues lightly before growing more serious. "But Regina, I don't mind waiting. Being with you is not just about the sex you know. Or sharing a son. It's about me trusting someone for the first time in a long time to not use me and toss me away when they're done. It's about feeling comfortable enough with you to not want to leave the bed in the morning, to want to cuddle and do all those romantic things that I used to think were stupid."

A hand cups her own face and she sees a fresh wave of tears gathering in those brown eyes she could stare at for half an eternity. She's pretty sure these tears are a different kind than the previous ones though and it encourages her to continue. "It's about being with someone who really gets me and knows when to push and when to yield. Mostly." She crinkles her nose playfully and gets a short laugh in return. "It's about you not expecting me to be anything more than I am and to not be afraid to call me out on my bullshit when I'm being a brat."

Lips find her own and stop her from saying anything further. Crisis averted, fears soothed, she thinks to herself as she parts her lips to a demanding tongue, letting her lover push her onto her back and settle on top of her. Full lips break away from her own with a pop and moves along her jaw until they reach her ear. "You know," Regina husks, sending shivers of pleasure down her spine, "I happen to love the way you taste too."

Emma hums her approval at the words as her girlfriend starts to kiss, nip and lick her way down her body. Seems she'll be getting a round two before any sleep will be granted. She spreads her legs more than willingly for the brunette and dark pools filled with mischief stares up into her own briefly before the woman's tongue makes one long lick and her head slams back down against the pillow. Any and all thoughts are forgotten as Regina gets to work with fervor and all she can do is try to grip the bed sheets and keep her moans from getting too loud and end up waking their sleeping son.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: So this is the last part of this story. It's longer than usual and I hope it ended up okay.

* * *

Today is going to be the day. Well, it might be, if Emma agrees to it. It's been almost two weeks since that damn dream and she's just going to have to put down her foot and force herself to get back up on the horse. She can't keep doing this. It's hurting Emma and it's hurting herself and it's not fair to either of them. The man has been dead for 38 years; he can't hurt her anymore, and so she shouldn't let him potentially ruin this good thing she has going now.

Yes, today is going to be the day. She has even made arrangements for Henry to spend the night at his grandparents so she doesn't have to worry about him and can focus on Emma and herself instead. The only problem is how to best present what she wants to her girlfriend. It's going to be an awkward conversation at best. If she pitches it the wrong way her lover might just end up thinking it's a joke, or get mad at what she's asking for. She's so focused on trying to figure out the least awkward way to explain things to the blonde that she misses the opening and closing of the front door.

Emma kicks off her boots and shrugs out of her blue leather jacket before she makes her way to the kitchen. She finds her girlfriend deep in thought, a frown marring her almost perfect face, her eyes glassy and far away.

"What's going on? Is everything okay?" She asks as images of a hurt Henry flashes before her eyes. He has to be fine right? Regina would have called if something bad had happened.

The brunette's muscles tenses in surprise causing her body to jerk as she spins around to face the intruder, before she realizes it's just her girlfriend and she quickly adopts a smile that she hopes is inconspicuous. "Everything is fine, dear."

The sheriff raises her brows unimpressed in a silent gesture of 'that's bullshit' and makes a mental note of how her lover reacted. She will have to be more careful not to sneak up on her. Prison and years spent in the foster system has taught her just why people startle like that. "I know that look, what's up?"

Regina feigns surprise. "What look?"

"The one that says you want to ask for something, but you're afraid it will come back and bite you in the ass."

The mayor purses her lips and crosses her arms defiantly. "I do not have a look like that."

"Sure you do," Emma states as she makes her way closer and settles her hands against her girlfriend's hips before elaborating. "You try to make your face look impassive, but your lips are drawn into a thin line and you get these crinkles around your eyes, almost like when you're squinting."

The mayor raises her eyebrows, interest piqued. "I do?"

"Mhm, and your whole body goes ramrod straight and you flex your hands when you think no one sees."

Regina looks at her with surprise, amazed at the attention the sheriff clearly pays to her every move. When was the last time anyone bothered getting to know her enough to read her moods and body language? Had anyone ever? "I...Well, there is one thing I've been thinking about," she states as her heartbeat picks up ever so slightly as the nervousness she was feeling earlier comes back.

"Okay," Emma replies patiently, squeezing hips just slightly in encouragement.

"It's to do with our...predicament," the brunette offers uncomfortably, suddenly feeling shy and considering blowing off this whole thing. Why had she thought this would be a good idea? There's no way the sheriff will agree to it.

"I'm listening."

"It's a possible solution, well, more of a suggestion I guess," she says quickly, barely drawing a breath before continuing, knowing if she doesn't get it out there soon, she'll lose her nerve. "Of course I totally understand if you don't think it's okay and you have to know that you're allowed to say no and-" She's cut off by lips pressing firmly against her own to silence her.

"You're freaking out. Just take a deep breath," her lover says with a lopsided grin. It's not often the mayor is anything less than cool and composed.

"I don't _freak out_," she replies offended, even as she unknowingly adopts a sheepish look, aware that it is exactly what she's doing.

"What's your suggestion?" the blonde asks, choosing not to comment, settling instead for a knowing grin.

Regina wets her lips subconsciously and runs a hand through her own locks before she clears her throat. God, this is hard. "I think...maybe the problem is that I need to feel in control."

"Okay?" Emma asks as neutrally as she can manage. She needs the other woman to explain further if she's going to understand, because she's pretty sure the mayor has never _not_ been in some sort of control when it comes to their bedroom activities. Not that she's complaining.

The mayor draws in a deep breath. Okay, here goes nothing. "I think a big part of the problem is that right now, when you have your weight on me, all I can focus on is the feeling of being trapped and unable to get away should I feel the need to," she elaborates before looking away awkwardly. Why is talking about this so difficult?

The blonde smiles. "So you want to be on top? I have no problems with that," she replies, wondering why that would make her lover feel so hesitant. It's not like they haven't done that before. Regina riding her to get herself off makes for quite the delicious, arousing sight.

The brunette turns her head back to fix her girlfriend with a less than impressed look. "It's not just that. I might have to- I need to-" she stops and exhales loudly, frustrated with her sudden inability to formulate herself. She tries to slither from the other woman's loose grasp, but the blonde simply pulls her closer and pecks her on the lips.

"Just talk to me. So far you have yet to make a suggestion I haven't thoroughly enjoyed," she says with a wink, hoping to lighten the nervous mood Regina seems to be in. It does garner a brief smirk, before her girlfriend takes a steadying breath and she can't deny that she is growing a little nervous herself at how much the other woman seems to be struggling with whatever it is she's working herself towards asking for.

"To feel like I have complete control, I want to-" the mayor pauses briefly to consider her words before she settles on just being honest and forces the words from her mouth. "I wish to dictate your every move." Emma furrows her brows thoughtfully as she lets the words sink in, mulling them over.

"So basically, you tell me where to touch?" She asks for clarification. Regina bites her lip nervously as she gives a curt nod of confirmation. "Okay."

"Okay?" The brunette questions surprised, the simple agreement catching her off guard. Emma just shrugs.

"Why shouldn't it be?" The sheriff asks, when her lover doesn't add anything further, just keeps looking at her with disbelief. The mayor scoffs at how nonchalant her girlfriend is being to all this. Doesn't she know what she's asking?

"I'm asking to take away your free will simply for my own gain and pleasure. I'm pretty sure by most that would not be considered okay." A slight exaggeration since this is about so much more than such basic, animalistic things, but she has a point to make.

The blonde adopts one of her knowing smiles that Regina can't stand. Because yes, her lover understands how hard it is for her to ask for anything for selfish reasons. For the longest time - and oftentimes still if she's being honest - she believed that she didn't deserve happiness or a reprieve from all the hard times. How could she possibly have the right to ask for that, after all the horrible things she has done?

"I'm pretty sure that's what sex is about, babe. Taking and giving so both can be satisfied. I don't mind, you're hot when you take charge and take what you need."

A faint tinge colors Regina's cheeks as she looks at her girlfriend suddenly shyly. "I sent Henry to your parents for the night, just in case," she admits to the woman self-consciously, pouting at the wide grin she gets in return.

"Awesome. Why don't you take a seat and I'll get a glass of wine for you?" Emma says with a wink, watching confusion flit over her lover's face.

"But I should start dinner." She shakes her head in the negative and guides a puzzled brunette over to one of the chairs.

"I'll make us something. You just sit back, relax, and enjoy the view."

Regina doesn't respond, just sits down and ponders silently just what her lover means by that. It becomes apparent once Emma has poured her a glass of wine, delivering it with a kiss, before disappearing for three minutes - not that she is counting of course - to return in an apron; only an apron.

The mayor sips her wine absentmindedly while her eyes stay trained on that pale, pert, bare ass peeking out at her. She almost loses her grip on the stem when the woman bends over and gives her just the barest look at her most intimate parts and suddenly food is the furthest thing from her mind.

"Emma?" Regina asks throatily, setting down her glass with a slightly shaky hand and clearing her throat that's feeling awfully dry as inconspicuously as she can manage.

"Hmm?" The woman answers, turning her head to look at her over her shoulder innocently. Like she doesn't know exactly what she's doing to her.

"I'm not really that hungry."

"Are you sure?" The sheriff questions with a self-satisfied smirk.

"Of course I'm sure," Regina bites back quickly in irritation, before realizing that being mean is probably not the best way to get things moved to the bedroom. Emma just looks at her knowingly before turning to fully face her.

"What are you in the mood for then, Madame Mayor?" The brunette flushes slightly and it's pretty clear just what she's thinking about.

"Well, a shower doesn't sound so bad," she replies softly, forcing more racy images out of her mind, teeth finding her lower lip and biting as she stares into green orbs twinkling with mischief. "Don't you want a shower?" She questions coyly, just to make clear what she meant in case her girlfriend didn't understand the vague hint that she wants company.

"You know, now that you mention it, I do think I might need one," Emma answers with a wink as she makes her way over and takes her lover's hand, pulling her up from her seat gently before turning to walk upstairs first. When she glances backwards, she's thrilled to find deep brown pools staring transfixed at her backside as she walks up the steps.

* * *

Emma quickly removes the apron before she undresses her lover unhurriedly, placing gentle kisses wherever soft skin is revealed. She takes her time because tonight is not going to be about her and she's okay with that. Regina has been through so many hardships and she wants to show her that she deserves to be cherished, to be loved properly. The brunette shifts restlessly as lips brush against her skin again and again, not used to the attention and not entirely comfortable with it. It feels so...intimate, loving, and she's not sure she deserves that.

"Relax, stop thinking and let me take care of you," Emma whispers as she lets her hands run comfortingly over sun-kissed skin, careful to keep them from any private areas, mindful of their earlier conversation.

She guides her now naked lover inside the shower and turns on the water, checking the temperature before letting her walk under it.

She takes her time, fingers dancing playfully over wet skin, lathering her body with soap, massaging as she does so before using Regina's swamp to gently rinse it off again, making soothing circles. She figures that's what her lover wants; gentleness and intimacy. So unless Regina explicitly tells her otherwise she's just going to take her time loving her. And from the content, barely audible sigh that the woman releases as she leans her back just a little more against her front, Emma thinks she read the brunette right.

"May I?" she says with a kiss to a shoulder as she lets her fingers brush just barely against the underside of her girlfriend's breasts to indicate what she's asking. Regina gives her answer by laying her own over soaped ones and guiding them up until they're cupping her.

Emma massages slowly and moves to pepper kisses along a neck, smiling as another sigh, this one a little louder, is released from parted lips as her lover lets her head fall more to the right to give her better access.

Once she's satisfied that the nipples straining against her palms are as pert as they'll get, she starts sliding her right hand down towards the only part yet to be washed other than her girlfriend's hair. Just as soon as her fingertips pass a naval and shows no sign of stopping though, Regina tenses, her own hand shooting out to lay over the blonde's and stop it in its track.

Emma doesn't say anything just starts moving her hand upwards again and kisses once right under her lover's ear to show that the message has been received and there are no hard feelings. She makes sure all the soap is gone before she reaches out for the Mayor's shampoo and starts massaging it into her girlfriend's hair.

She bites her lip as Regina releases a noise not unlike purring as she works her scalp, and if she presses her legs together slightly to try to alleviate the tension building there, who can blame her? Her lover has a very sensual voice and even if she would never admit it to anyone out loud, that voice does things to her that should almost be illegal.

She reminds herself that tonight is not going to be about her though, and with a steeling intake of breath, she moves the brunette so she can rinse her hair.

"There you go, all clean," she says with a kiss to wet, moist lips, forcing herself to not deepen it and pull away instead. Regina gives her a lazy, relaxed smile and lets her hands fall to hips, trying to guide the sheriff under the spray. Emma stops her with a shake of her head as her own hands settles atop the other woman's. "Tonight is about you, remember?"

The mayor looks conflicted for a moment, like she wants to argue, a slight frown marring her features. But then she nods almost imperceptively and kisses her girlfriend gratefully before making her way out of the shower.

Regina raises an eyebrow when the blonde starts to dry her off, but she keeps quiet and lets her do what she wants. Once again Emma makes sure to kiss the revealed skin once the towel finishes its gentle patting and once again her lover leans back against her and sighs contently.

When she's sure the woman is dry - spending extra time on her breasts to be absolutely certain, of course - she lets the towel drop and traces her fingers down the brunette's sides, stopping at hips and pressing a kiss to the hollow of her neck before laying her head on a shoulder and meeting dark pools in the mirror.

"Why don't you go make sure everything is as you want it in our room and I'll be out in a minute?"

Regina's answer is to turn around and catch pink lips fiercely between her own, tongue running teasingly across Emma's teeth before her own nips at a plumb bottom lip. When she walks out of the bathroom, hips swaying, the sheriff stares after her breathlessly, a familiar heat pooling between her thighs.

It takes long moments, but eventually she manages to shake her head and turn to stare at herself in the mirror. "Jesus," she whispers to her own image before she remembers that her girlfriend is waiting and she moves to dry herself off quickly. She barely refrains from doing some tension relief, knowing it will not be appreciated by her waiting lover, and sends a silent damnation to whomever decided to make Regina Mills so stunningly, sensually, frustratingly beautiful and enticing. God, that woman would be the death of her someday. And she would enjoy every second of it.

* * *

Regina is pacing nervously in their bedroom when her lover walks in and if she had been the type to she would have been biting her nails. Any relaxed state she found herself in earlier from the shower is gone as the silence in her bedroom has made sure her doubts are back.

Is Emma really going to be okay with this? She knows she herself would not be if she was in the sheriff's shoes. Her past has made sure she can't surrender herself so completely to someone else. Years of abuse from both her mother and the King has made sure that she only looks at it as weakness and humiliation. She can only hope that one day she'll be able to do it if her lover needs her to.

She feels a little hypocritical thinking like that, but for some reason, the blonde doing this does not make her think less of her like she would herself. No, instead it gives her a newfound respect for the woman, not to mention how it makes her heart beat just that little bit faster because it's another thing to add to the list of proof that Emma Swan really _loves_ her.

She startles as arms wrap around her stomach and a kiss is pressed against her neck. "You're overthinking again aren't you?" the sheriff whispers before pressing her lips to the skin just under her ear. Regina tilts her head to the side almost unconsciously to give her girlfriend better access and she can feel the other woman smile before she latches onto her neck more firmly.

Emma splays her hands and lets them run along a soft stomach, over defined hips and up sides in random patterns as she sucks on a patch of skin before soothing it with her tongue. Regina sighs and lets her body relax against her lover, one of her own hands moving on top of the sheriff's while the other moves up and behind her to tangle in blonde tresses.

She moves the hand beneath her own up to her breast and draws in a slightly uneven breath as it starts kneading slowly, teeth nipping teasingly where her neck meets shoulder before lips go back to no doubt trying to mark her. She gave up trying to tell her girlfriend not to a long time ago, and so instead of wasting her breath on deaf ears she simply grips a little tighter at blonde tresses and tugs her almost impossibly closer, making Emma smile against her skin, humming her approval at the move.

Emma stops lavishing attention the brunette's skin and lets her hand slide from a straining nipple down a side. She tries to take a step away and grins when her girlfriend's hand tightens in her hair as she releases a disappointed whine. Before Regina can ask her why she stopped, she simply slides her body around to her lover's front and gives a smile as the woman lets go of her locks just long enough to reposition her arm more comfortably, before re-entangling it. She lets the mayor tug her closer, pressing her body closer until their breasts are squishing against each other as lips meet wetly.

Regina's free hand clutches tightly to her hip and she lets her own currently unoccupied ones slide down her girlfriends back to settle on round globes, squeezing and massaging. The brunette's hips buck almost of their own accord to the stimuli and bumps against Emma's pelvis causing her lover to cant her own hips in response. They end up rocking gently against each other, the sheriff's thigh slipping between the other woman's while their tongues dance against each other without hurry, lips fluttering and teeth scraping teasingly.

The mayor is only vaguely aware that they're moving as she tries to loose herself in the feel of their lips and bodies pressing together and so it's only natural that she breaks their kiss in surprise as her legs bump against the edge of their bed. Emma sits down on the edge and looks up at her lover with a small smile just shy of coy and Regina knows it's a position meant to make her feel superior and in control.

"Just tell me what to do," the blonde says as she leans back on her arms to signal her submission, watching her girlfriend's eyes rake down over her breasts and stomach to the juncture between her legs, the brunette's tongue darting out to wet lips as she pushes her thighs slightly apart to let Regina glimpse a view of her wetness. Her lover bites her lower lip and lets her eyes move back up, appreciating the tantalizing picture painted before her.

"Move back," Regina rasps, voice husky and low with want, sending pleasurable shivers down the sheriff's spine which makes her nipples stand to attention. The former mayor notices this as well and smirks.

Emma obediently hunches herself further up on the bed and watches intently as the other woman kneels over her legs before crawling upwards to settle across her hips. She barely manages to keep her hands from moving to well sculpted thighs, biting her lip and trying to soak in the visual instead as she remembers what she has agreed to.

She releases a groan when her girlfriend presses down against her with a wicked smile and lets her head fall down against the mattress. "You're killing me," she whimpers as she feels the faintest trace of wetness against her skin and tries her best to stay still and await instructions. She's all too willing to meet her lover's lips as Regina leans forward, trying not to convey her desperation through their kiss, to not give in how badly she's itching to touch.

The brunette lets her fingers flick across a stiff nipple before squeezing the nub and Emma releases a frustrated mewl because now her girlfriend is just being mean. She knows there's not going to be any release for her until the other woman has gotten what she wants and it really isn't nice to torture someone by getting them all worked up when they know they can't do anything about it.

"Please, please let me touch you," the blonde breathes against full lips, pouting when Regina pulls herself back up with an amused chuckle.

"Like this?" she asks innocently as she takes hold of the sheriff's hand and places it against her side. The look she receives is not unlike puppy eyes and she can't deny that there is a certain thrill in knowing how dismayed the other woman is when she can't touch her. Emma always looks at her with a hunger and passion she hasn't experienced from anyone and it always makes her heart beat that little bit faster.

"No? Maybe this then?" she teases as she moves the hand to the flat of her stomach.

"Regina," her girlfriend growls, flexing her fingers against smooth skin and hoping the woman will show mercy because trying to keep her hands from wandering like they're usually allowed to, isn't easy.

The brunette leans down over her with a mischievous grin and Emma waits for a kiss that never comes. Instead, warm breath tickles at her ear. "Teasing is part of the game, you know that," she husks, placing a barely there, wet kiss against her neck before sitting back up. The sheriff closes her eyes in frustration. Because yes, she does know. She has been merciless to her lover on more than one occasion and at some point karma had to come bite her in the ass. But why did it have to be today when she's already having enough problems remaining passive and submissive?

Regina basks in the way her girlfriend bites her lip, eyes filled with want as they stare at her chest, and she decides it will be in her own best interest to allow the blonde to touch a little. She takes Emma's right hand and places it over her left breast, her breath hitching slightly as the woman begins to knead immediately, fingers occasionally brushing and tweaking her nipple until it stands proudly.

The sheriff's other hand lifts, clearly intent on finding her other breast, and she slaps it away with a tsk. "Did I say you could do that?" she chides and her lover's hand drops to the bed immediately.

"Sorry," the blonde mutters as her gaze moves back to focus on the hand that has been given permission to touch, missing the slight frown that crosses the brunette's features.

Regina can't help but feel that something is off. The thrill she has been feeling at completely dominating her girlfriend falters somewhat. This is what she had asked for, and the blonde had agreed. But there's just something, something she can't quite put her finger on, that makes her feel like this is not _right_.

"Stop," she demands and her heart skips a beat in that familiar, achy way when her lover pulls her hand away immediately, looking up at her, face filled with worry.

And there it is. That's why this feels wrong. Emma should be allowed to do what feels natural to her, not have her every move decided for her. Not walking around on eggshells, afraid that every little thing she does might not be welcomed. This isn't what she wanted. It reminds her too much of Graham and who she used to be before.

Regina's frown deepens as she's flooded with the realization that this way isn't going to work either. She needs to choose a middle way, not either complete control or submission. She doesn't want reminders of her less than stellar past, she just wants Emma Swan; the woman who loves her.

"What is it?"

She looks down into green eyes filled with love and concern, noticing how her girlfriends arm twitches, like she wants to touch here and try to reassure her, but is scared to do so without permission. "I was wrong."

"Oh," Emma responds, her body growing rigid as she prepares herself for the brunette to run. She frowns in confusion when her girlfriend doesn't move off her like she thought she would, just keeps looking down at her.

"I don't want to control what you do," the mayor explains, leaning over and taking hold of her lover's right hand and putting it on her own thigh. "I want you to do whatever you want, just…be gentle."

"Are you sure?" the sheriff asks confused, wondering what the hell just went through Regina's head that made her suddenly change her mind.

"Yes, you're nothing like him. Just…make sure I stay with you." She pleads, chest suddenly feeling tighter as a hand moves to cup her cheek softly. She leans into the touch automatically, trying to draw reassurance and courage from it.

"Do you still want to be on top?" Emma asks, voice filled with a tenderness not many others ever hear from her.

"Yes." Otherwise the weight on top of her would only remind her of the King, but she doesn't say that out loud suspecting her girlfriend already knows that since she asked.

She leans down to meet lips when the sheriff's upper half rises, forcing the woman back down again as she lays her weight on her. Emma doesn't seem to mind, her hands moving to caress her lover's back as their tongues dance and their lips nip at each other's.

The blonde takes her time, letting her hands move over thighs, up sides and back down Regina's back before settling on firm globes that should be banished from the tight skirts her girlfriend loves to wear. That ass does things to her that should be illegal and damn, how she loves to touch it.

She pushes gently down, delighted when the mayor seems to take the hint and starts rocking gently against her and she's forced to break the kiss with a moan as she feels slick heat against her pelvis.

"I want to feel you," she whispers breathlessly against plump lips that turn slightly upwards in amusement at her plea.

"Then feel," Regina breathes back before reconnecting their lips in a bruising kiss that sucks the oxygen from her girlfriend's lungs and leaves her heaving in the most pleasurable way.

Emma chooses to take her lover's advice, her left hand moving to tangle in dark locks as the other slowly slides over a hip and down between their still gently rocking bodies. Her fingers trickle downwards over neatly trimmed hair until they reach the slightly protruding nub and this time it's the brunette that breaks away from their lip-lock with a throaty exclamation.

Their eyes connect as the blonde starts a careful rhythm, watching Regina's face for any kind of discomfort, their breathing slightly labored as they move together.

The mayor's breathing hitches and she leans down to press her lips a little frantically against her girlfriend's. "More."

Emma is all too happy to comply, her fingers abandoning their assault to be replaced by her palm as they slide down further where the wetness is more prominent against her digits. She presses her middle finger just barely against her lover, watching as her eyes slam shut, and she stops.

"Look at me," she says, coaxing her girlfriend by tugging just slightly at the locks she's still holding. She had been asked to make sure the woman stayed with her after all, and she knows it will work better if she makes sure she's looking at her.

Dark pools focuses on her own green ones and she smiles reassuringly before she lets her finger slide further inside. Regina stiffens for a moment, her breath catching in her throat. But then the sheriff reminds her to breathe and she lets herself relax, focusing on her lover's unique eyes and voice, and the pleasure she is making her feel. She can do this.

"You're so beautiful like this," Emma breathes, watching the slight flush starting to spread over her girlfriend as she moves slowly within the woman, her palm pressing against her sweet spot.

Regina moans her approval, increasing her rocking against the blonde as she leans down to take a bottom lip between her teeth, biting down almost painfully before soothing with her tongue. "Keep talking," she pleads as they lock eyes again.

And Emma does. She whispers compliments to her lover as she keeps up her ministrations, watching as a fine sheen of sweat coats the brunette, the way she tries her best to keep her eyes open as her pleasure mounts and the keening noise as she finally falls over the long overdue edge.

She revels in the way Regina clings to her as she tries to get her breathing back to normal, content to wrap the arm not squished between their bodies around her girlfriend and kiss any part of skin she can reach.

Eventually, the brunette's breathing calms and she buries her head against her lover's neck before she laughs. She laughs in relief and gratitude, feeling both silly and happy.

"I guess I don't need to ask if you're okay then," Emma tells her with a smile, more than happy to accept the kiss Regina gives her. She shudders as one of the mayor's hands starts to make their way down her side.

"You know what I'd really like right now?" she asks softly, the hand stilling in its ascent as brown eyes look down at her questioningly. "Cuddling."

"What?" her lover blurts incredulously and she grins back up at her innocently. "I feel like cuddling."

Regina wrinkles her nose slightly and the blonde knows she's trying to figure out why her girlfriend, who's not usually too big on the clinging, suddenly wants to. Not that she can blame her. Usually, she'd be more than happy to have the brunette return the favor. There's no denying the wetness between her thighs. But this time has been about helping the former Queen move forwards and for once she really does just want to be close to the woman.

"I don't mind returning the favor," Regina says, trying to gauge if her girlfriend is being serious or not.

"I know, but I'd rather we snuggle." Emma watches as understanding floods her lover's features. She's doing this for her.

"Of course, I keep forgetting sometimes that you're really just a big baby," the former mayor replies with a chuckle as she slides left so she's only lying half on top of her girlfriend, her leg thrown over pale ones and her head securely against a strong shoulder.

"Mhm," she confirms, willingly giving the woman she loves an out of having to admit that she's the one who needs this. She knows the brunette sees it as a weakness and she doesn't mind taking the pretend blame for something they both secretly enjoy.

Emma releases a content sigh as her girlfriend starts tracing random patterns against her skin.

"Are you sure you don't want me to?" Regina asks one last time, her hand trailing softly down a toned stomach. Her lover stops its ascent by laying her own hand on top before bringing the hand up to her mouth, kissing each knuckle sweetly.

"Tomorrow," she replies, laying the hand back against her pale sternum and tangling their fingers. Regina snuggles further against her girlfriend's throat and hums her agreement.

And for the first time in twelve days, when she thinks that things might be okay, she really does believe that they will be.


End file.
